My Romantic Comedy Confession Isn't What I Expected
by Azulito
Summary: In which Hikigaya receives a confession. Sort of.
1. Chapter 1

Since the start of the fall season, I had been making time to watch the weather have its way with the leaves at the front of the school. As I was leaving the clubroom, it was usually an opportune moment to watch the cherry blossom petals flutter through the air. They had a rather calming contrast with the orange-red sky setting in the background. It was a peaceful moment for me.

Normally.

"Senpai, I have these two tickets and I was wondering if you wanted to… ask me out on a date?"

She, who probably doesn't even need to be named, had leaned in closer while talking to me. Too close. I could feel the heat through her body.

And see it through her eyes. Staring up at me with an oddly fitting determination, despite the clear blush-ridden face.

Whoa. I felt like I lost some imaginary battle before I had even realized I was fighting.

I'm reminded again of the fact that somehow I was surrounded by beautiful women almost completely by accident. What kind of meta-level loner have I become?

And now I was actually being asked out by… wait, huh?

"I… what?"

"Please, don't make me repeat it. It's embarrassing." She dug her head into my chest.

"No, no. Hold on." I placed my hands on her shoulders and separated us. "I need you to repeat that, and not because I didn't hear you. I truly don't understand."

"Geeze senpai… ok. I, well, will you go… and ask me out on a date?" She looked away from me.

?

Hmm.

"I just want to make sure you're saying what I think you're saying. Can you repeat that one more time?"

"Now I know you're just messing with me! I didn't think you would tease me this hard!" She stared me down.

"I'm not trying to tease you. I just—okay, seriously, stop pouting, I'm being serious. I legitimately want to make sure I'm hearing that correctly. I feel like that kind of confession of yours isn't right."

"Confession?" She tilted her head.

"Yeah, your confession."

"No way! That's just gross. What kind of guy asks a girl for a confession?"

"So you're not asking me out?"

"Denied!" She threw her arms up in an X-formation. "I've already said it like three times. I'm asking you to ask me out on a date."

"You're asking _me_ to ask _you_ out on a date?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded her head.

"With _your_ tickets."

"Yup." More nodding.

"That _you_ came up to me with."

"Yup."

"Which was _your_ idea."

She sighed.

"Yes, senpai. See, you're kind of like… useless when it comes to these types of things. _Soooo_ , I prepared everything for you. All you have to do is finish it. By confessing."

"You left out the most important part!"

"Uh, duh. You're the guy, so, you should know this. Don't tell me even this is too advanced for you."

"The question doesn't come from complexity!"

"Then why are you so confused?"

"Anybody would be confused here. What kind of novel roundabout way of confessing is this?"

"I already told you, _I'm_ not confessing. _You_ are."

"I _really_ think you're the one confessing here…"

"Please. How many times have you been confessed too? And how many times have I been confessed too? I know what I'm doing here."

That experience of yours only made it worse!

"What kind of confessions have you received?"

"You're not supposed to ask a girl that, senpai. Use some tact."

"I think I need to use some common sense instead."

"So, like, are you going to finish asking me or…"

"I think I would need to start asking you first."

"Well then what are you waiting for?"

This was getting nowhere.

"Okay look, if I ask you out on a date, which you planned, will you be happy?"

"Hmmm."

She paused and adopted a thinking pose.

It was strangely fascinating.

"Nope."

"You won't be happy if I ask you out now?"

"Not anymore. You made it, like, too weird." She faked a look of disgust and turned her head away.

 _Ugh_.

"So this whole issue was a waste of time..."

"Geeze, you failed the test again. You're supposed to pursue the issue!" She faced me again and stopped her feet on the ground.

"Wait, I was being tested? And what do you mean 'again'"?

"Girls are always testing their boyfriends."

"When did that relationship upgrade happen?!"

"Well, I'm just going off of what was supposed to happen a couple of minutes ago." She said matter-of-factly.

"So what I said earlier wasn't even going to be registered now."

"Well, you've kinda messed up everything so far, so it's probably better if I just assume everything else."

"Causality really doesn't work this way."

"Cozz-a-what? Just because you know complex words doesn't mean you should use them."

"I don't think that was all that complex."

"And now you're patronizing your girlfriend. You're like, zero of a million today senpai. Which is actually better than a lot of other days."

"There's so many things I want to correct there I don't even know where to start…"

"So the date is this Saturday—"

"Never agreed to that!"

"—And you need to wear something with a tie." She started scrutinizing my appearance with her sight. "Yeah, def' a tie."

"Hold on a second. First of all, I never confessed to you. Second of all, we are not a couple. Third of all, I didn't agree to a date. Finally, I'm not wearing a tie."

"You're going to wear a tie to the date as my boyfriend as part of your confession."

Whoa, she just responded to all four of the issues I had in a single sentence.

Her power level dwarfs even married women.

"So it's just a given, huh?"

"Lucky you! You messed up everything and still got the girl! You know, that sounds exactly like how a confession from senpai would go anyway."

Hmm. As much as I wanted to protest, I found myself agreeing with it.

"Besides, can you really say you don't want to be going out?" She smiled up at me.

"…No. I guess not." I turned away from her, trying to conceal the reddening of my cheeks.

But she stepped to the side, so her face was right next to me again.

"Neither can I."

* * *

Author's Note: Just a one-shot idea that I had today, might still have some typos. Didn't really think it fit with my other story.


	2. Chapter 2

"Isn't she just another level of cute?" A student said wistfully under his breath.

"And she's got spunk too, yeah?" He turned to the other guys in the circle and they all nodded vigorously in agreement.

"She's pretty and smart, cute and sweet—"

"Just the complete package, you knoooow?" One of them imitated her trademark phrase while the others cheered him on.

These idiots didn't understand how badly they were being fooled. Simple adolescent urges controlling their teenage minds, logic does not compute for those who are head over heels for a girl. How embarrassing, but yet… probably somewhat blissful, to have no self-awareness of their surroundings or situation.

"—gaya! Hikigaya! Dude, what do you think?" One of the students was waving their hand in front of my face.

Oh that's right, I was sort of in this circle of chairs and people too.

"Hm?" I responded, having lost track of where we were in that conversation.

"C'mon, we were asking what you think of Isshiki? She hangs out in your club, yeah?" They all leaned forward in their chairs.

"Sometimes."

"Nah, not sometimes, she's been there every day she's not in the council room. And you're always coming in here with her? You're not, you know, _dating_ right?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me and leaned even closer.

I pulled on the collar of my shirt, the heat was rising. "Uh, we—"

"Bah!" He cut me off and slapped me on the back, "Just kidding, man!"

"Yeah, like she'd go out with Hikigaya!" They laughed in unison. "No offense."

How insincere.

"None taken." _That_ was sincere.

They all went back to joking about how she'd never go out with a guy _like me_. _He's really creepy_. They were saying things like that right in front of me, so much so that they weren't even paying much attention to the girl herself, who was taking the opportunity to sneak me glances and covertly wink at me, as if she knew what was going on.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was enjoying listening to this.

"In fact, don't you guys feel like there's something off about her?" I said out loud, while looking at her.

Just to test their reactions.

But as expected, they completely missed my point.

"Off? You mean like how she's _grown_ some lately?"

"Oh yeah! I saw that too!"

"A total angelic babe."

They all nodded and hummed in agreement.

I sighed and massaged my temples. These hormone-riddled men are blind to the truth.

"No, I mean, doesn't it feel like she's _extra_ sweet and caring comparing to other girls?"

"Is that a bad thing? Don't be so weird about it." They brushed me off.

"It's not a bad thing to be cute or charming, rather, isn't it that she's a little _too_ cute and a little _too_ charming?"

They looked at me quizzingly, and then at each other and shrugged their shoulders, as if they didn't understand a clue of what I was implying. It can't seriously be only me that sees this? I mean, she's not _that_ sly. Right?

"You know Hikigaya, maybe it's because you somehow found a way to be around those three beauties all the time," he leaned over the table and stared me down, "but most of us guys aren't that lucky. You think it's right to put a girl down?" Another one of them piped in, "He's already done that before hasn't he?" They all looked at me with a dark glint to their eyes, a barely suppressed cool-rage of sorts.

I put my hands up in surrender, trying to diffuse the strange and sudden tension. "No, no. Forget I said anything."

" _Pfft_ , whatever." He sat back down and folded his arms across his chest, his attention back on her, and the rest of them followed along.

Can't say I didn't try to help them. Maybe she just really was that good of an actor? Surely they weren't all that dumb, just emotionally vulnerable. Like the rest of a high school student body. I wasn't so arrogant to say that emotions didn't have an effect on me as well, I was still a growing teenage boy, but I wasn't so dumb as to let them control me so completely. At least, that's what I liked to think.

"Oops!" I turned to see her bonk her head with her knuckles, probably in response to dropping something, which caused some whooping and hollering from this group.

" _Soooo_ cute!" They said together in unison.

"And she's innocent guys, innocent!"

Pfft. Cute and innocent—if only they knew how wrong they were, even I'm cuter than that sly fox.

* * *

Having finished the student council president's work (Read: My work) for the day, everyone had cleared out of the room after putting away their chairs and desks. Save for one. I was currently sitting at that desk and enjoying a cup of tea, a past-time I indulged in whenever given the opportunity. It was a relaxing time for me, in a life of sudden business, it allowed me the return of a sense of relative normalcy, a time without people or friends, ironically a time where I was less "normal."

Alone, where I was most at peace.

Well, almost alone.

"We should have sex."

"Ack!" I choked on the tea I was drinking and started coughing. Isshiki sat there smiling, more grinning, at me. " _Ahem,"_ I cleared my throat, "did you, um, say...?"

"We should have sex."

"No hesitation."

"We should—"

"Wait!" I stuck my hands out, "I heard you the first time, and the second time, I just… what, uh, led to this?"

"Are you really questioning why a girl wants to be with her boyfriend?" She sighed. "Geeze senpai, I thought even _you_ could figure _this_ out."

"Don't say it in such a way that it makes me seem dumb."

She waved her hands in the air, brushing me off.

"Maybe, like, don't question your wife so much?"

"Another upgrade!?"

"Just kidding." She flashed the peace sign. "Also, we should have sex."

"She repeated it."

"In case you forgot. Actually, it was just because it's fun to say. And you get really red cheeks when I say that, so it's like sorta-cute? Maybe? Ew."

She made a _bleugh_ face.

"You're grossed out by your own reaction to your own boyfriend?"

She stuck her tongue out and pulled down on her cheek.

Then she raised her gaze, and peered up at the ceiling. "You do bring up a good point though, was I drugged into this?"

No, no, no.

"If anyone was drugged, it was definitely me."

"Hehe, yeah~" She said wistfully.

"Ominous."

"Anyway," ignoring my protests of _hold on_ and _do I need a lawyer_ , she continued, "I was walking home the other day, and while I was looking down at my cellphone, I saw the legs of this girl with this _really_ cute skirt ahead of me. So I was going to ask her if her she liked mine—"

 _Of course you were._

"—But I decided not too because she was being all lovey-dovey with her boyfriend, in public!"

She paused and just looked at me for a moment, as if waiting for a response. Then she continued without getting one.

"I know, like, _hello_ , right? So anyway, I heard them talking and she was acting all coy and shy and nervous, playing it up, trust me I know that stuff—"

 _Of course you do._

"—And the guy was just eating it up and he was saying stuff in her ear like how they should go to a hotel or something, and she acted like she wasn't interested but ended up agreeing to go. Like it wasn't obvious from the beginning, you knoooow?"

I leaned forward in my chair.

"Well, lots of couples go and, uh—"

"Have sex."

"Yes. That." I massaged my temples. "But I don't see how, of all times, that one made you bring up, um, this. Surely you've seen that enough times?"

"Well yeah, _duh_ , but this time was a little different. I just thought, _hey, that's kinda like us_. The way they were acting, and even what they looked like, including what they were wearing."

"Well, you do like acting coy, but not to that extent," and not really around me anymore, "Even more so, I'm definitely not the type of guy to whisper in your ear."

"No, no, no. _I'm_ the guy." She puffed up her chest and pointed to herself.

"So I'm wearing the skirt?!"

"Don't you think sooooo? Only in your case, you might not be acting nervous at all, can't even say sex. How coy, senpai."

I closed my eyes and massaged my temples again. This woman was—

 _Pfffuuu,_ she blew into my ear then whispered, "Let's have some fun."

"Wha—!"

I immediately fell backwards in a rush of panicking emotion, my chair coming down with me. My back hit the floor. But thankfully, my tea did not. Too smooth to let that happen, Hachiman.

"Shit." I rubbed my back while standing up. That's going to hurt later tonight.

And tomorrow morning.

"Hehe," she giggled, "Now that was _quite_ the reaction."

"You know, other people might be fooled," I started speaking while brushing myself off and putting the chair back in its upright position, "But I knew from the beginning, you were never cute, just sly."

"And yet, here we are, together. What does that say about you?" She grinned.

"I really should hire that lawyer…"

"Wrong!" She put her hands in an X-formation. "Try again."

I adopted a thinking man's pose, playing it up, before responding.

"You're an even more _deviously_ clever girl than I thought."

Immediately she bounced out of her chair. "What? Are you hitting on me? Sorry, but you already are my boyfriend, there's no need for you to butter me up anymore. Please reconsider your actions." She bowed her head down.

I sighed and facepalmed in response. She's never going to get sick of that.

 _Pfffuuu_. The soft breath hit my ear again, "How about now?"

I jumped back and grabbed my chest, my face was burning and my heart was pumping. All from just having been whispered too in surprise.

While I was coming down from my panicking high, she just sat there smiling at me and giggling before saying:

"You know, you're right. I'm not the cute one, _you_ are!"

* * *

Author's Note: I know I had this marked complete before, but I felt like this was better here than in a separate story. Now it's _really_ complete. Probably.


End file.
